Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
