I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
