You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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