She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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