giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
