hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
