Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
