When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
