It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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