hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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