My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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