saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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