Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
