perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
