If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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