Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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