Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
