I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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