Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
