Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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