My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
