grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
