I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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