she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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