It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
