I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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