my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
