Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
