I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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