watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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