What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
