this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
