Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
