I think I won the penis lottery.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
