i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
