just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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