I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
