i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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