I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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