When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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