my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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