I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
