He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
