now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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