wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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