i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
