So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
