Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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