He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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