fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
