so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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