i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
